Ethan
by SneetchesToo
Summary: The five times Rox wakes up and Ethan isn't there. And then the one time he is.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Ethan

Author: SneetchesToo

Rating: Teen (language)

Pairing: Ethan/Rox

Summary: She wanted the colonel. A very specific colonel. And no one else.

Author's Note: After watching 3.12 I just had to do it. Spoilers for that and 3.10/3.11. There may be more than one chapter. I have a plan but I don't know if my muse will cooperate.

—

"Ethan." His name left her lips before she could process anything. "Ethan?"

She woke up and he wasn't there.

She called his name but he still wasn't there.

Rox wasn't scared of much. But in that moment, she was terrified.

"Ethan." She gasped out again. Her throat was on fire. She felt like there was an elephant on her chest. Her head was pounding. She could barely move her arms and legs.

"Ethan!" She tried shouting. But it came out as barely a whisper. She felt tears spring to her eyes as she turned her head from side to side. She hoped he was sleeping in the chair next to her. That maybe he had stepped out for coffee. That maybe he was just taking a leak.

"Ethan!" She tried again. This time her voice must have been louder because a young woman came rushing in. Checking her vitals and saying something about getting the general.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to kick her feet and flail her arms and throw a toddler sized temper tantrum. She didn't want the general. She wanted the colonel. A very specific colonel. And no one else.

"Ethan." She whispered again. She closed her eyes as the tears poured down her cheeks freely. She tried to stop them. She willed them to cease. But they just increased the longer she laid there without him by her side.

She had screwed up. Royally. She had pushed him too far. Pushed him too hard. And now he was gone. She knew she should have backed off. Given him his space. But she was so hopelessly addicted to him that she couldn't help herself. She didn't want to lose him, so she had tried to save him.

And it had failed. Epically.

"Ethan." She sobbed. She could feel her whole body starting to shake as a wave of panic took over her.

She didn't know where she was. She didn't know what had happened. And none of these people looked familiar. They were all in uniforms, not scrubs. These weren't her people. This wasn't her home. Her family was nowhere in sight. She all of a sudden couldn't breathe.

"Ethan!" She didn't know why the only word she seemed capable of saying was his name. But she needed him. Her whole body ached for him. Her heart pounding in her chest. She just needed him there.

"He's not here." She heard a gruff voice say from somewhere in the room.

She knew that had to be a lie. He wouldn't have left her like that. He couldn't have. He had to be there somewhere. She didn't understand why they were keeping him from her.

"Ethan!" She tried to sit up. Her eyes snapping open as she shouted his name.

"You need to rest." A different voice. Another that she didn't recognize.

"I need Ethan!" More than one word that time. Progress.

But they ignored her. Instead, they inserted something into her IV. And then they left the room without another word.

She felt her eyes getting heavy. She felt like her body was being filled with cement. They had drugged her. Those bastards had drugged her just as she had woken up.

"Ethan." She whispered softly. Her eyes closing as a few stray tears made their way down her cheeks. "Where are you?"

And then everything became quiet. And everything became dark. And she let the pressure take over her body as she nodded off.

And the only thing she saw behind her closed eyelids was him. Her best friend. The man that she had wanted to hate so badly. The man who had worked his way into her heart. The man that she couldn't help but love.

Ethan.

—

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	2. Chapter 2

The next time Rox woke up she wasn't alone. Instantly she recognized the presence of someone else in the room. Someone's hand resting gently on top of hers.

But it wasn't Ethan. And she felt her heart break a little in her chest.

"Ethan?" She asked for him again. This time quieter than the last.

"No Rox." She knows that voice. But she can't quite peg it. Deep and quiet and she can tell the person it belongs to is tired.

"Where's Ethan?" She tries to open her eyes. To see who her companion is. But she's just so damn tired. And she's so damn sore. And she just can't make it work.

"He's... unavailable." The voice is still quiet. Still soft and familiar and safe.

"Ethan." She whispers his name again. She feels like a fool for only asking for him. She knows she must look pretty ridiculous.

"It's Will, Rox." The hand on top of hers squeezes softly. Reassuringly. And she lets out a breath at the sudden recognition her brain does.

Will Campbell. The ER director from Angels. The chief of surgery. The man who tried to save her life. The man Ethan went toe-to-toe with for her. The last person she ever expected to be at her bedside.

"Will?" She croaks out the man's name with less passion than she did Ethan's. While he's not who she wanted. He was at least a friend.

"Ethan got in some trouble Rox." His voice is strained and she forces her eyes open at his words.

Ethan. Trouble. The two words were synonymous with each other. But this didn't sound like Ethan's normal shenanigans. No. Will sounded worried.

"How bad?" She tilts her head toward him. He was exhausted. Concerned. Confused. She prayed that all of those emotions weren't aimed at the man she so desperately needed to see.

She watched as he shifted his eyes toward the door. She noticed a guard posted outside. She wondered who he was protecting exactly.

"He defied orders Rox." Will's voice was barely a whisper. He locked his eyes with hers and she knew instantly that this was much worse than him arguing with Campbell over a patient. "They placed him under a psych hold."

She guessed by the way he shifted his eyes back and forth toward the door that he wasn't supposed to be saying anything to her. That this was supposed to be a secret.

"How bad?" She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer to that question.

"He was..." Will hesitated, his eyes closing briefly before he let out a breath, "seeing things."

"Yeah. Okay." She didn't believe the man for a second. Ethan was a lot of things, but he wasn't crazy. At least not that kind of crazy.

"I saw it with my own eyes Rox." He gave her a sympathetic look, his eyes betraying what he was saying to her. He may have witnessed it, but he didn't believe it for a second.

"I need to see him." She knew that Will Campbell was the last person on this planet who gave a shit about her relationship with the Colonel. But she needed his help. Desperately.

"I'm trying Rox." He scrubbed at his face and she felt her heart sink. There was nothing the man could for her. Absolutely nothing. "He still has 36 hours on his hold."

"Tell him Will." She whispered. She felt like she was fighting a never ending battle with her heart right now. "Tell him I need him to get better."

"For your sake or his?" She didn't know why but his question caused tears to form in her eyes. He had hit home without trying.

"I need him." She felt like her world was crashing in around her. She was trying to stay strong. To stay brave and fight the good fight. But she didn't know how much longer she could do it.

"I'll tell him Rox." She felt his hand squeeze hers but her eyes were getting heavy again and she felt herself starting to fade. "I promise."

She heard him shuffle around the room. Then his voice demanding to see Ethan. And then there was silence. And she had never felt more alone in her entire life.

* **Don't forget to comment :)**


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Rox is conscious enough to be aware of her surroundings she finds that she is yet again, not alone.

There's a hand holding hers, and a head resting on the bed beside her arm.

But once more. It isn't Ethan.

The tears start falling before she can even process who the mop of jet black hair belongs to.

"Ethan." She whispers his name even though she knows he isn't there.

"Roxane!" The head lifts itself up off the bed and she instantly recognizes the face. Emo. Her Emo. And another round of tears start to fall.

"Emo?" She can still barely get her voice above a whisper. She wants to lift her head and her arms. To wrap the older woman in a hug. But her body feels like it's in a vice.

"Oh Honey." Instead the older woman leans down, pressing their faces cheek to cheek. She's stroking a gentle hand through her hair as she holds her close in the only way she can.

"Where's Ethan?" She knows that Emo understands her need. She knows that she respects it.

She's told her about him. Everything about him. About the flirting and the fighting. About the incident in the forest, the hug after the hostage situation. She's told her about how his hands always seem to need to touch her when they're together. How his eyes always find her, even in the chaos of Center Stage, even in the crowded bar they frequent after work. She's told her about the late night conversations, about the way they push and pull at each other. Emo knows everything there is to know about her relationship with Ethan.

Especially the lack thereof.

"Your Dr. Campbell's with him now." Her voice is so soft and gentle and she can see the slight hesitation in her eyes.

"Is he okay?" She was hit by a car not to long ago and yet her main worry ever since she had woken up had been him. She imagined that was probably what happened when you loved someone.

"I don't know." The simplicity of her aunt's statement makes her heart race in her chest. She just needs him to be okay. But more than anything, she needs him here with her.

"I'm scared Emo." She barely gets the words out before she feels herself starting to panic. Her chest is getting tighter and she can feel her breaths getting strangled. Her eyes are watering and she can tell her hands are shaking against the bed sheets.

"Don't be sweetheart." Emo's voice does little to comfort her. She needs to hear Ethan's voice. She needs to hear him say those words to her. "We're going to take care of you."

"Ethan." She sobs out his name and she feels like a small child. One who's lost a stuffed animal and can't get over the horror.

She remembers a time when she cried for days for that exact reason. She had been five and she had lost her favorite teddy bear while traveling. She didn't sleep for almost a week. She remembers how her mother convinced her father to go out and buy her a teddy bear that looked exactly the same. They gave it to her and told her that they found her beloved "Teddy" stuffed under some boxes in the car. She was five, but she wasn't stupid. She knew it was a different bear.

Somehow, she felt like she was going to get tricked again.

"I need Ethan." She hated how dependent she was on the man. Especially a man who wasn't even hers to depend on.

"I know Honey." She could see the torment in Emo's eyes. The way she felt her pain. The way she understood just why she needed him.

He was her lifeline. He was her safe place.

"I..." She tried to croak out something, anything, but her voice started to fail her as her breaths started rushing together. Her head started to spin and her vision was blurring behind her tear filled eyes.

"Rox!" Emo's voice wasn't soft and gentle anymore. No, now it was loud and panicked. She was scared. Probably just as scared as she was.

She heard voices join hers then. People shouting and ordering medicine and something about losing her. It all mixed together in her head as she felt her eyes close under the pressure.

The last thing she remembers before everything faded to black was Emo's sad voice whispering into her ear.

"He needs you too Rox." She tried to respond. To open her eyes and show her that she understood. But she couldn't move, she could barely breathe.

And then there was nothing but silence. Nothing but darkness. And she slipped away once more.

—

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	4. Chapter 4

It was dark the next time Rox's body decided to join the real world again.

She could hear rain hitting the window of her room. The sound of thunder in the distance. The lightning outside lighting up the room every so often.

She laid there in complete silence. Letting the sound of the storm both calm and terrify her.

She had always loved the rain.

She had never been a big fan of thunderstorms.

"Ethan?" She took a chance on saying his name into the darkness. She knew it was a long shot. But he knew how anxious storms made her. Surely he would be by her side by now.

"Rox?" The voice that responded wasn't Ethan's. And she felt her heart break once more. "Rox, you awake?"

She recognized that voice. It was the voice of a friend. Of someone she knew. Someone she trusted. Family.

"Noa?" She didn't know what would have possessed the girl to drive three hours to see her.

But then she remembered something about Ethan being placed in a psych hold. She guessed that the girl's need to see the man she thought of as a big brother through such an experience was the key.

"Where's Ethan?" She knew that Noa wouldn't shy away from the question. The girl knew just how important they were to each other.

"He's still in the psych hold." Her voice was soft and Rox heard her move around the room. She settled herself into the chair next to the bed, her hand resting softly on top of hers as she tried to offer her comfort. "Campbell's with him."

"I..." Once again, her words were getting jumbled and she felt her vision starting to blur.

"I know Rox." Noa squeezed her hand then. Her eyes locking with eyes in the darkness of the room. She did know. She knew exactly what Rox needed.

Ethan had once told her that he didn't have many friends in LA. That his coworkers at Angels were pretty much it. He told her about his falling out with Leanne. About his hesitation to stay close to the hospital after their relationship, or whatever exactly it was, had gone up in flames. About how Jesse had shut him out after that. He told her about how Campbell wasn't his biggest fan from day one. About how Angus had always had this lack of respect for him after he almost got his brother killed. He told her that he and Mario butted heads constantly. That they were so much alike that it scared him sometimes.

But then there had been Noa.

The one constant he said had been present since his first day. He looked at the girl like a little sister. He worried over her. Protected her. But he respected her. And she respected him back. And she was thankful that Ethan at least had her to rely on.

"I need to see him." She barely got the whispered words out. Her eyes filling with tears as she broke the look she shared with the younger girl. "Please."

"We're trying Rox." Noa squeezed her hand once more. She knew that she was trying to offer what little bit of comfort she could. "I'll go see if I can talk to him. Let him know that you're awake."

"No!" She hadn't intended to shout at her. "I don't want him to worry."

And she didn't. She needed him to get his mind straight so that he could get out. So that he could come see her. She didn't need him panicking over her being alone.

"He's gonna worry no matter what Rox." And Rox knew that was true.

He had always worried about her. Even from day one. Even when she had explicitly told him that she didn't need him. He had always had her back.

He had called her repeatedly the night after they were held hostage. Checking on her every few hours. And after the forest fire. Well she was very well aware of just how badly he wanted to take her back to his place and tuck her into his bed and never let her go. His fifteen text messages declaring just that hadn't gone unnoticed.

And then after the funeral. After his fight with his dad. She would have kissed him that night in the car if Martin hadn't been watching wearily from the porch. She wanted nothing more than to take him home with her and kiss away all his worries. Amongst other things.

"Let me go check on him for you." The young girl patted her hand softly, offering her a soft smile.

She couldn't find words so instead she just nodded her head. She felt a few tears slip down her cheeks and she swallowed back a sob in her throat. She just wanted him with her.

More than she had ever wanted anything in this world. She just wanted Ethan by her side. Right now. And for the rest of her life.


	5. Chapter 5

It's still dark when she comes to a few hours later. The thunder closer now than it was before. The rain pounding harder against the glass. She feels her heart start to race in her chest at the overwhelming urge to run.

Except she can't run. And she knows it. And it's killing her.

"Ethan?" She takes a chance yet again on whispering the man's name.

She prays that this time will be different. That this will be the time he's there for her.

"Roxane?" But it isn't him. Rather, the voice is similar, and the build of the body that appears to her right isn't that far off from his. "Rox. It's Martin."

She lets out a breath that she wasn't aware she had been holding. Colonel Martin Willis is the last person she ever expected to see at her bedside. Ever.

"What...?" She doesn't finish her thought because she knows the words that she wants to say aren't exactly the nicest.

"Ethan asked me to sit with you." The words are like a knife to her chest.

Ethan knew she was awake. And that she was alone. He could probably tell that it was storming. That she was terrified. He had sent someone to protect her. His father of all people.

"He's okay?" She just wanted confirmation that he was alright. That he was going to be with her soon.

"Five more hours and he'll be out." His hand is rough against hers, much like Ethan's. She finds it funny how two people who are so incredibly different from each other could also be so incredibly alike. "I made sure of it."

"I need to see him." She hates that she's broken in front of this man. A man who surely wouldn't tolerate her pain. Who would surely think less of her for it.

"I know." His voice is normally loud and booming. He's normally the picture of stoicism. But right now he looks tired and his eyes are sad and she wonders just how much trouble Ethan must have gotten himself into. "He needs to see you too."

"I..." She chokes on the words buried in her throat. They're making her stomach churn. Her eyes water. She feels broken at the thought of saying them to someone who's not Ethan.

"I know Rox." He squeezes her hand then, offering her the gentlest of smiles.

She wonders just how much his father knows of their relationship. She knew that Ethan wasn't exactly an open book with the man. But he had to know something. He had joined them for breakfast on multiple occasions. Had been at the house when they had tousled with each other about the dangers of the shift they were about to begin. He had to have noticed the side glances, the lingering touches, the way Ethan's voice softened in her presence.

"Does he...?" Surely he wouldn't know if his son was aware of just how much she needed him. Surely Ethan wouldn't have divulged the information to him from behind bars.

"He knows Rox." Another squeeze and another soft smile and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. "He's trying so hard to get here to you. Rest assured of that."

She choked back a sob, her heart clenching in her chest as she tried to catch her breath. Maybe his father did understand. Maybe he understood more than he let on.

"I'm so tired." She whispered. She couldn't remember a time where her body had ever felt so drained. Her eyes were so heavy, despite sleeping for days. She just wanted to curl up in Ethan's arms and waste away.

"I know." He patted her arm then, his eyes betraying his ability to stay strong for her. "You need to rest."

"Ethan." She sobbed out his name as another round of tears hit her. She hated this. She hated feeling like she needed him to breathe.

"He'll be here soon." She heard him whisper. She tried to respond but she couldn't. Her eyes closed under heavy eye lids. Her body failing her as she drifted off.

She prayed that the next time she woke up the only face she would see would be Ethan's.

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	6. Chapter 6

There's a weight pressed against her right side the next time she wakes up. A soft pressure resting over her stomach. Wisps of air against her ear.

She's not alone in the bed. That much she knows.

And the scent she inhales when she takes a deep breath is uniquely him.

And she finally feels safe.

"Ethan?" She whispers his name as if there's a secret to be a held in the tiny room. As if she's almost afraid to not receive an answer.

"I'm here Rox." And she feels the water works begin. But this time they're more than before. They're strong and free flowing and her heart aches in her chest because she loves this man so much more than she knows what to do with.

She wants to respond. She wants to say something back to him. To reassure him that she's okay. But she isn't okay. She's tired and she's broken and she's never been more terrified in her life.

He must have sensed her worry because the next thing she knows he's tugging her closer. His lips gentle against her ear as he presses a kiss there.

She's sure that he shouldn't be here. Not like this. Not in this capacity. But she guesses that maybe his father had something to do with the lack of guards at the door. He probably had something to do with the fact that his son was also wrapped around her like a cocoon.

She can't imagine that he's comfortable. His tall frame crammed into the little bed. His arms are around her shoulder and stomach. His long legs resting next to hers under the covers. His face pressed against hers, his breaths soft against her cheek.

"Are you okay?" She whispers her question out of fear, and worry. She knows he's had it rough the past few weeks. She honestly isn't surprised that he cracked under all the pressure. That's what she was trying to avoid when she offered to help him.

"I am now." His voice is groggy in her ear and she can tell that he hasn't slept. Probably not since they arrived wherever it is that they are. Probably not since the accident. She doesn't even know what day it is. But she senses that maybe it's been a while.

"I missed you." She choked out. She wills her body to move some. Her hands are itching to touch him. To run her fingers along his arm. To feel his soft skin under hers.

"I know baby." His words send waves of shock and pleasure through her body. She can't handle this side of him. Not now. Not after everything. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

She can feel his tears falling against her cheek. They're rolling down her neck and mixing with hers as they hit the neckline of her gown. His arm tightens around her waist as he lets out a shaky breath.

"I wanna go home." She doesn't know where those words come from but she knows that she feels them deep down inside.

She just wants to go home. Back to LA. Back to her house, or his, at this point it doesn't matter. She wants a bed. A real bed. A big bed with fluffy pillows and soft sheets and a comforter she could get lost in. She wants his bare skin pressed against hers. His fingers soft against her scars. Their legs tangled together like they're one. She wants his lips on hers and her fingers in his hair and she wants to get lost in everything about him.

"I know babe." His lips are on her cheek this time, his forehead falling against the side of her head softly. "Soon. I promise."

She wonders how much longer she truly has to stay here. How badly her body is actually injured. She can tell that she's got a long road ahead of her. That she's nowhere close to being her old self again. The fact that she can barely turn her head in his direction is the first indicator that something is awry.

"Am I gonna be okay?" She can barely get the words out. Her brain is still foggy but she doesn't wanna hear bad news right now. She just wants to relish in the feeling of finally being close to him.

"Of course you are." His right arm moves then, lifting up off her stomach, and she feels like a piece of her is missing.

But then his fingers are on her cheek and he's tilting her head in his direction. It doesn't hurt to move, for which she is thankful. She wonders if it's maybe all in her head.

"I'm gonna make sure of it." He whispers, his hand cupping her cheek softly as he eyes her quietly.

It's the first time she's seen his face in who knows how long and she feels her heart tighten. He looks so tired and lost, so broken. He clearly hadn't shaved in days, his scruff longer than normal. His hair is wild against the pillow, total disarray that doesn't match the military uniform covering his body. He looks as miserable as she feels and she just wants to hide him away from all the chaos in his head.

"I missed you." She whispers again. She finally gets her head comfy against the pillow, her eyes locking with his as he threads his fingers through her hair.

"I missed you more." He chokes out. She can see him trying to hold back the tears. Trying to stay strong for her. She wished he would just let go. "You scared me."

He hooks his fingers around the back of her head, his gray eyes staring into hers with a softness that sets her heart on fire. She can't imagine the Ethan she knows as being scared. But this Ethan, this Ethan is vulnerable and fragile and she both loves and hates it.

"I'm sorry." She hated to think that she's the think that finally broke him. That she's the cause of his final disconnect with reality. "I never meant to."

"I know love." His words are barely a whisper and he offers her the softest of smiles. She's seen him smile a lot over the last eight and a half months, but never a smile like that. Never a smile that screamed how much he needed her. That screamed how much he loved her. Not until now.

"I..." She wants to tell him that she loves him. That every fiber of her being aches for him. That everything inside her yearns to be his.

"I know Rox." He leans his forehead against hers softly. She feels a dull ache above her right eye when his skin touches the bandage there. She winces, but when he moves to pull away she shakes her head gently.

"Don't." She whispers, her eyes begging with him to stay close. To never leave her.

"Okay." He brushes his thumb over her lips softly, then her chin, before settling it on her cheek. He stays quiet for a minute, his eyes silently telling her all that she needs to know.

She closes her eyes as another wave of emotion takes over. Her eyes fill with tears as he hushes her softly. His hand keeps a grip on her head, even when she tries to pull away, and she's thankful that he doesn't seem to be giving up on her just yet.

"Rox." He whispers. "Roxy?"

She chokes back another sob. She wants nothing more than to grab his head and pull him in and crash her lips against his. But she can't get her arms to cooperate. Instead she gasps for air, her lungs forgetting how to breathe for a brief moment in time.

"Rox. Baby." He presses a kiss to her forehead as he wraps her up tighter and the sob that escapes his lips when she lets out a gut wrenching cry breaks her heart in two. "I'm here baby. It's okay. I'm here."

She finally gets her right arm to cooperate with her and she brings it up to rest against his stomach. She curls her fingers around the material of his uniform jacket, holding onto him for dear life.

She wants to speak. To tell him that she needs him. That she wants him. That he's everything she's ever dreamed of and nowhere even close. Instead she lets out a shaky breath, her eyes opening to focus on his once more.

"Hey." He whispers, his fingers running gently along her cheek as he smiles at her.

"Hi." She whispers back. Her fingers uncurl from his shirt as her hand travels up his chest. It stops at his shirt collar, as far as she can get it to go, and she lets out a huff.

"I'm here." He drops a kiss to her nose as his eyes twinkle in the early morning sun. "I'm here and I'm never gonna leave you. Never again. You hear me?"

She nods her head then. Her voice unable to produce the words she needs to say. He smiles again, his fingers gripping around her head softly as he drags her closer.

The next thing she knows his lips are on hers and she lets out a whimper. The kiss is everything she's ever hoped it would be and yet, nothing like she imagined. He's gentle and sweet and he tastes like stale coffee and tears. She finds herself kissing him back before she knows what's happening. He smiles against her lips and she tightens her grip on his collar just enough to let him know not to get to excited.

When he pulls back a minute later he's panting slightly, his eyes glimmering underneath a new layer of tears. He's smiling at her though and she can't help it when her lips curl up in response to his lingering look.

"Better?" His whisper causes her to chuckle slightly and she rolls her eyes at him.

"A little." She still wishes she could convince her arms to reach up and wrap around him and pull him close. She still wishes they were anywhere but here. That he was wearing significantly less clothing and that his lips were on her skin and that there wasn't a dull ache covering her entire body. But for right now, she'll take what she can get.

Because he's finally here and he's finally hers and she's never been more thankful for anything in her entire life.


End file.
